The title of this week’s conversation is “Redefining Manhood.”  There was so many rich things we could talk about here but what really stood out to me was the building up of character.  Drawing from examples in 2 Kings and Genesis, there was a building up of character we want to nurture in our boys.

A Penitent heart  (a tender or responsive heart over wrong doing)

Humility (Having or showing a low estimate of one’s own importance – - the rare quality of caring more about God’s approval than the approval of men)

Courage (grounded in faith, seasoned in love)

From boyhood to manhood, we want to partner with God in raising up men who embody these three characteristics.

In one of the personal reflections, the question was asked: “How might you encourage a penitent “softening of the heart” when your son does something wrong?” 

I have to be honest here… my answer was:

I. don’t. know.

In our family, we believe in discipline, we believe in consequences.  These are good things, but I was really challenged with whether or not we are also forming the hearts of our boys to respond with a heart like Jesus… a heart that breaks like His.

It all came to a head on day three when another character trait came up. This time it wasn’t regarding the boys, it was for the moms.

Fear.

“But while at first glance hovering Helicopter Moms may appear to have their child’s best interests in mind, their high need for control is unhealthily rooted in fear.  Fear of danger. Fear their child will not find future success (as defined by the Helicopter Mom). Fear their children may not be accepted if they don’t look or perform a certain way.  In a nutshell, Helicopter Moms want to ensure that their children turn out according to their personal script and time line.”

I was really proud when I took the Helicopter Mom quiz, I only checked one thing (Confession – I’ve signed my kids up for 2 extra curricular activities in one season).  I’ve never considered myself a “Helicopter Mom.”  But I was challenged that I often respond, discipline, and react from the root of fear.

What do I fear?  Perhaps they will not choose the narrow road.  What if they would not live healthy lives – choosing things or lifestyles that are unhealthy? What if they end up doing drugs? Or get caught up in pornography?  What if they choose friends or a spouse  who will not love them or love God.  I have many fears about the outcome.

In the beginning of the week, the author used the illustration of a mother perhaps acting like a “regent” to a king. Someone working to surround him with Godly role models throughout his reign to help him make good decisions, be a good influence to help him live up to the potential and carry out God’s plan for the boy and the nation.  We ended the week with Rebekah, a mother who manipulated and made her plans and timing supersede God’s.

There is a thin line between a regent and a manipulative, helicopter mom.

Our plans and God’s plan.

Courage vs. Fear

One way to teach our boys courage is to parent courageously.  Knowing there are lessons with skinned knees and brokenness.

Father, help us raise these boys to men according to the plans you have for them, not our plans.  Give us courage to let them live adventurous lives, learning how to trust you when they encounter difficulty and danger.  May they learn throughout life how much bigger you are than them and may they learn to seek you with all their heart, soul, mind and strength so that at the end of their lives, they would be known as men who did what was right in the eyes of the LORD.

Questions:

1. What, if anything, do you fear in parenting?

2. How do you encourage penitence, humility and courage?

3. What were you challenged in your parenting this week?

4. How were you encouraged in your parenting this week?

Feel the freedom to answer, one or all of the questions in the comment field.  Be sure to check the “follow-up box.”

The let down comes in rejoicing but it also comes with a slew of “What if’s,”  “I should haves,”  or “I could haves…” 

Doubts.  Concerns.  Too much or not enough.

Last weekend at our women’s retreat, I had the honor of seeing God move in only the ways He can.  Setting captives free. Releasing women from shame and condemnation.  It is the stuff the Scriptures are made of. Women falling into puddles of tears and other women scooping them up to cover them in love and prayer.  There were women who carried their friend to Jesus like those four guys who brought their friend through the roof because they knew Jesus could save him.

Yet there were those things I had in mind that did not come to pass… my plans.  Not necessarily His.

Yesterday as the thoughts entered into my mind, I went to battle with this…

One person put their trust in Jesus.

One person got baptized.

At least one was set free.

This is not to boast but to give glory God because it only takes one.  If all our labor is for just one… the Bible is clear, “there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance.” {Luke 15:7}

Heaven rejoices.

If you are a pastor, leader, worshiper, intercessor, usher, greeter, steward, tech director, Sunday school teacher and you experience the let down… trust in Jesus that it is He who is at work in the seen and the unseen.

Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

It’s more about Him than it is about us.

And it only takes One to make us feel it’s worth it.

Do you experience the Monday let down?

If so, how do you battle it?

I have a strong belief that Bible study is meant to be life-giving and not a yoke or a box to check off daily.  So the last thing I want is for this to stress anyone out. Since we still have some time, it’s not too late… in fact it’s never too late to join us.

That being said…

There are a lot of Reading Plans out there to get plugged into a daily rhythm in the Scriptures.  They range anywhere from a couple of verses to four chapters a day.  I started Project 345 yesterday which is a New Testament plan that takes you through one chapter a day for 5 days.  That’s my kind of plan with 2 days left over in case you need to catch up!

Do you follow a Bible reading plan? 

Have you found it to be fruitful?

Last year, instead of making a list of resolutions I would not be able to keep, I chose to join the one word 2011 community and focus to just one word which would serve as a lens to view and take in scripture, life lessons, and to listen for God’s voice in my life.

As the year came to an end and I was reflecting on all God had shown me and given me through His Peace, I began praying for God to give me a word towards the end of last year and it became clear through many avenues that the word for this year would be…

Faithful.

I have already been reminded, challenged and struck by God’s proclamation of His faithfulness. In conversations with others it comes to mind that faithfulness is something to be practiced and lived out and is certainly not easy.

This year, I want to be more faithful to in my devotion to Jesus.  I resolve to become…

More faithful to loving my husband by being faithful in all things.

More faithful in parenting my boys with grace.

I resolve to become faithful with the small things.

Faithful with the big things

Faithful with the mundane.

I’d like to be a faithful friend and a listener.

A faithful giver.

A faithful daughter.

Here is how the dictionary defines it:

1.  strict or thorough in the performance of duty: a faithful worker.

2. true to one’s word, promises, vows, etc.

3. steady in allegiance or affection; loyal; constant.

4. reliable, trusted, or believed.

5. adhering or true to fact, a standard, or an original; accurate: a faithful account; a faithful copy.

I’d like to be a faithful copy of the Original.

 We all notice the engraving on a rear view mirror, “Objects in mirror are closer than they appear.”  The mirror is made of a special material that gives us the benefit of a useful rear view but makes objects appear smaller.  Smaller objects seem farther away and if you don’t heed the reminder, you could run into some serious problems.

It’s easy to forget God is larger and closer than He appears.  My faith is small, but my God is big and I long for bigger faith.  In times of difficulty and even in times of plenty, we forget… I forget… God is near.

This year, I want to step it up a bit and take some of the suggestions from Mandy over at Messy Canvas to surround myself with this word.  To search for it and study it in the Scriptures.  To research it, write about it and think more about what it can bring out in me.

I want to understand this attribute of His so that when I need to, I’ll remember, “He who promised is faithful.” And “He who calls you is faithful.”

The synonyms for “faithful” excite me but overwhelm me…

Affectionate, attached, conscientious, constant, dependable, devoted, enduring, firm, genuine, incorruptible, honorable, loving, obedient, resolute, steadfast, steady, tried and true, trustworthy, truthful, unchanging, unwavering, veracious.

More than resolving to be more faithful myself, I resolve to discover, understand and believe God for His faithfulness.  Depending solely on Him.  Trusting Him fully.  Believing what He has said is true.

What have you learned about God’s faithfulness? 

How have you learned to become faithful?

Do you have a word for the year?

1. What was the single best thing that happened this past year?  This is a no brainer… His name starts with an “N” and he is happiness embodied in a person.

6. Pick three words your spouse would use to describe your 2011 (don’t ask them; guess based on how you think your spouse sees you).  Hard.  Hectic. Good.

8. What were the best books you read this year?  1000 Gifts by Ann VosKamp.  The Grace of God by Andy Stanley.  With: Reimagining the Way You Relate to God by Skye Jethani.

10. What was your biggest personal change from January to December of this past year?  My body. Pregnancy will change that in a big way. Okay besides that: I am learning to receive.  Never have I felt more needy than this year. It’s been super humbling the way our friends and family have given of themselves to our family this year.  I am grateful and spurred on to be more generous as well.  I will never forget the kindness shown to us this year.

14. In what way(s) did you grow in your relationships with others?  This was the year I finally was able to let go of some of my unrealistic expectations of my parents.  They love me more than anyone or anything on this earth and gave me their best.   What I used to think I needed from them, turns out I don’t really need… I’m learning that Christ is sufficient.  Finally being able to let go of these has set me free to love them more authentically and enjoy my parents more than I ever have.

15. What was the most enjoyable part of your work (both professionally and at home)? Getting to speak at a Women’s Retreat for another church.  Getting to watch people discover how they are wired and bring their contributions to be a part of something bigger than themselves. Being on maternity leave all summer long and enjoying my baby and big boys while they were home from school.

16. What was the most challenging part of your work (both professionally and at home)?  See #15.

19. What was biggest thing you learned this past year? Not only does God know what we need… He knows exactly when we need it.  If you are looking for him to provide {friends, financially, a baby, a spouse, a job, help, healing} trust Him to show up with it not a minute before or a minute after it is necessary.

20. Create a phrase or statement that describes 2011 for you.  Expect the unexpected and know it will all be redemptive.

Would you be willing to share one or more of your answers? 

Happy New Year!

Last December, still reeling from the news that we were going to have a 4^th baby, it was easy to recognize I was not in any state of mind to set new year’s resolutions that would be kept.  It was then that my eyes read Luke 2:14 with a fresh perspective and I decided to join the One Word 2011 community with the word “Peace.”

What started out as a desperate desire for peace led me to the realization that I already had Peace, but needed to choose to walk in the confidence of something God had already granted through His Son Jesus.  Never did I imagine the peaks and valleys He would take me through to see, feel, touch and experience Peace on a whole new level.

It began immediately when the women from Pt. Loma First Church of the Nazarene invited me to come speak at their retreat.  When I asked what theme they were thinking of, my new friend Chavonne replied, “For some reason, God keeps bringing the word “peace” to mind.”  Imagine that.

Right around that same time that I was coming to a place of peace with the baby growing in my belly –until we were told he may possibility have genetic abnormalities.  Peace led me as I wrestled with whether I believe for myself the same things I say to other people. Do I practice what I preach?  Do I believe God and take Him at His word?

Our son’s impending birth brought peace to our home when the second week of January, we broke ceiling and began to turn the attic into a boys loft.  The generosity and kindness of my parent-in-laws and good friends will never be forgotten as many hands spent valuable time giving to our family.  Peace was found through provision immeasurably more than we asked or imagined.

In May, peace was brought to a test when my dad suffered a massive heart attack and remained on life support for two weeks while I was being told to make plans to remove him with no hope of survival.  Every time I came to the end of my rope, a friend showed up with lunch, a latte, a care package or a hug as we sat and waited for things to change.  The Peace of God filled the room in the ICU every time we would pray and God saw fit to revive his heart and is now slowly turning it from a heart of stone into a heart of flesh.

Through pregnancy, a healthy and some-what smooth birth, a remodel, sickness, job loss, financial struggle and then provision in the most unlikely ways, God has remained faithful as always, pointing out His Peace and favor truly rests here.

Am I convinced of this?  Yes.  Do I now walk in it? Not always.

I remain needy and dependent upon His grace and have been reminded of the need to speak and live the gospel to myself and others every day.  We approach 2012 with anticipation, hopefulness and slight trepidation.  Still in a state of transition.  Facing new illness in our family. Our oldest entering middle school.  My pastor/boss/friend reminds us every year:

We don’t know what the future holds, but we know who holds the future.

This one word, focusing on this one facet of God’s magnificence has blessed me, filled me, carried me and given me joy, hope and peace in one of the most difficult years of my life thus far.  Next week, I’ll tell you what I’m choosing for 2012.

Want to join us?

{Thank you Alece}

Every leader has areas of weakness in which they must compensate with by bringing people on the team who have the gifts they don’t have.  For me, my weakness is in the area of counseling.  I can counsel someone to a degree, but to stay in the long haul and help them get unstuck and moved on to the next place in their growth can be really hard for me and well… not my best contribution.  That being understood, I invited 9 women from our church who either counsel people professionally or have spent years in the trenches with women through the local church.  These women have blessed me so much with their wisdom, enthusiasm and genuine love to see women walk in the ways in which God has called them.  Out of their prayers and team work will come a new and better way to care for women in our church in a more whole way… heart, soul, mind and strength in 2012.

One woman in particular who has become a good friend has just published her first book.  I love hearing Terry’s perspective of psychology and how God has created our minds to work, heal and seek after Him.  She is a licensed therapist with a PhD and has a profound understand of God’s Truth and a desire for women to walk in that truth.  Whatever your bias is towards psychology, I would recommend her insights to you.

I’ve personally benefited from cognitive therapy a few times in my life.  With the help of Christian professionals I’ve been able to clear the clutter that’s been in mind and heart and make way for the God to do a work of sanctification and transformation in my life.

What about you?  Have you benefited from therapy/counseling before?

That’s a frightening thought.

But it’s been convicting me to be more purposeful and careful in the way I relate to them and instruct them.  I came across this interesting Bible Study by Vicki Courtney called 5 Conversations You Must Have With Your Son.  While many of the principles in this book will be caught from and taught by their dad, it looks really interesting from the perspective of the mother-son relationship.

The five conversations are:

Redefining manhood: “Don’t define manhood by the culture’s wimpy standards.”

Choosing sides: “What you don’t learn to conquer may become your master.”

Saying no: “Not everyone’s doing it!”

Launching manhood: “Boyhood is only for a season.”

Pleasing God: Godly men are in short supply – dare to become one!”

So, here’s an invitation I’d like to throw out to any moms of boys out there… want to join me?  Two are better than one and I figure if anyone wants to go through this with me I’ll have a better chance of actually finishing it. 

I’d like to start the week of January 8th and will post reflections and discussion questions each Tuesday.  There are 5 days worth of homework for each week, so our first discussion forum will be here on January 16.  If you have a blog, you can post about it as well and link up here, or we can just chat in the comment section.

The video sessions are available for download for $4.99 each and the book can also be purchased here.

Are you in?

While most of the people I love were away, I was left alone with my God and His biggest reminder of late of just how much He loves me.  I think back to a year ago today and how anxious we were about a fourth baby.  Yet this little man who has been nicknamed “The Bonus” has become a gift like no other. 

In a year full of worrisome thoughts swirling around provision for our family, care for my parents, and solid employment, God has shown His love in the most creative and unexpected ways.  Never did I imagine we would be in this place, but I am learning to be still and to look around for indications of His love which leads to His peace which brings me joy and is the anchor for my hope.

God so loved the world that He brought Jesus into this world to show us in flesh and blood how much He loves us.  Jesus loved us so much He surrendered Himself to humiliation and bore our sin and shame so we would begin to know the depth of His love.

I’ll never fully understand the scope or depth of God’s love for us, but each day we are given an opportunity to receive it, be enveloped in it and give it away to others.

This week as we shop, wrap, give, bake, prep, rejoice and love, let us remember the Love that entered into the world that cold and quiet night in Bethlehem.

May your days be merry and bright from revelation of His love for you.

Lest you judge me for my less than traditional advent wreath {I’m using my wooden bowl Brian and Shianti brought me from Haiti} and my red candles {purple doesn’t go well with my decor}, let me share with you how this second week of Advent is preparing me for Christmas.

The second candle is the candle of Peace.

Today I had the honor of giving the message at a women’s Bible Study for The River Church on… yup… peace. To be quite honest, I wasn’t feeling any peace about what I had prepared {6 different versions}. It wasn’t until I got there and saw their beautiful faces and talked to a few of the women when the Peace of God came through for me.

Peace is something we look for this time of year and it often eludes us. While we talk about Christmas NOT being about the stuff and focusing on the real meaning {Jesus} we still have a tendency to get lost in the noise clanging in our heads and the distractions all around us. Peace at Christmas is coming to the realization of what those Angels in Luke 2 told the Shepherds:

“Glory to God in the highest and on earth peace to men on whom His favor rests.”

We light candles, we take baths, we get manicures and pedicures, we go for walks… all things I’m down for… in an attempt to find peace or to feel peaceful. But here’s the thing: If you call yourself a follower of Christ, His peace rests on you. You don’t have to look for it in order to receive it because you already have it. But you do have to look for it in order to walk in it.

Mary, in her unexpected, teenage, outside of marriage pregnancy raised a boy and watched Him change the world until the day He took His last breath on the cross. And as it was told to her, a sword pierced her soul as she watched Him suffer the wrath that you and I deserve. No mother could possibly bear to watch this unfold and yet I have to believe through it all, she had peace.

The very peace of God that surpasses all understanding is what kept her at His feet and led her to the upper room with the disciples. It is what kept her right in the middle of the movement of God, even after He was gone from this earth.

Peace is what made shepherds drop everything in the middle of the night and run to a barn in the middle of town to see a baby wrapped in swaddling cloths.

Peace is what caused 3 mystics from the east to follow a star, go around an angry king and risk their lives to bow down and worship the One who was promised.

Peace is what drew a widow to the temple every single day until she was 84 years old to tarry for the One she longed would come and bring redemption to her people.

Peace is what kept an old man alive until he could hold that baby in his arms and see Who would responsible for the falling and rising of many.

Peace doesn’t mean a bad situation will always turn out well. Peace means that regardless of how bad things get, it is well.

When an unexpected movement of God takes place, we have to remember the words spoken to the Shepherds, to Mary, to Zechariah.

“Do not be afraid.”

God is on the move. He goes before you and works on your behalf. We see the visible, He sees the invisible. And as we wait with hope and walk in peace, we can be sure that in this space between the first and second advents, amidst the already and the not yet, there is not one person or thing outside of the scope of His redemption.

Peace be with you.