While I’m looking forward to getting back into the swing of things at church, I’m not going to lie… there is a level of anxiety.
The time off has been really refreshing. Time to just be a mom and not worry about anything else. I’m enjoying Nathan more than I’ve enjoyed any other baby because this time, I know how fast it will go.
Yet there are moments that feel as though there is a war raging inside me. As if I have two personalities… the Mary who is sitting and soaking up the moment going head-to-head with the Martha, the one who is thinking, planning and anxious to get things done.
The list is growing with deadlines looming, laundry needing to get done, a refrigerator needing to be filled, school supplies waiting to be bought, writing ideas waiting to be penned, an ocean that hasn’t been swam in enough, retreats that need to planned, speaking commitments needing to be fulfilled, ministry plans awaiting fruition… and then it happens.
He cries. He squirms. He needs me to be near. I’m reminded it will pass, quicker than I’d like it to. He will sit up, he will crawl away, he will grow and be content apart from me. I know this to be true.
So I stop.
There will be time for other things. I remind myself, that God has given me a grace for this life. What needs to be done, will get done… not in my strength but by His.
Worrying about later will rob me from the peace I have now.
Gotta go, the baby just woke up from his nap.