Today is the week one wrap up for the study we are doing on 5 Conversations You Must Have With Your Son. If you are doing the study with us, here is where we will converse about the daily study. Contribute to the conversation by leaving your thoughts in the comment field. Make sure you check the box for “Notify me of follow-up comments via email” so the conversation isn’t just one-way and you can also respond to comments. If you have insight into parenting boys but aren’t necessarily doing the study with us, you are also free to join the conversation!
The title of this week’s conversation is “Redefining Manhood.” There was so many rich things we could talk about here but what really stood out to me was the building up of character. Drawing from examples in 2 Kings and Genesis, there was a building up of character we want to nurture in our boys.
A Penitent heart (a tender or responsive heart over wrong doing)
Humility (Having or showing a low estimate of one’s own importance – – the rare quality of caring more about God’s approval than the approval of men)
Courage (grounded in faith, seasoned in love)
From boyhood to manhood, we want to partner with God in raising up men who embody these three characteristics.
In one of the personal reflections, the question was asked: “How might you encourage a penitent “softening of the heart” when your son does something wrong?”
I have to be honest here… my answer was:
I. don’t. know.
In our family, we believe in discipline, we believe in consequences. These are good things, but I was really challenged with whether or not we are also forming the hearts of our boys to respond with a heart like Jesus… a heart that breaks like His.
It all came to a head on day three when another character trait came up. This time it wasn’t regarding the boys, it was for the moms.
“But while at first glance hovering Helicopter Moms may appear to have their child’s best interests in mind, their high need for control is unhealthily rooted in fear. Fear of danger. Fear their child will not find future success (as defined by the Helicopter Mom). Fear their children may not be accepted if they don’t look or perform a certain way. In a nutshell, Helicopter Moms want to ensure that their children turn out according to their personal script and time line.”
I was really proud when I took the Helicopter Mom quiz, I only checked one thing (Confession – I’ve signed my kids up for 2 extra curricular activities in one season). I’ve never considered myself a “Helicopter Mom.” But I was challenged that I often respond, discipline, and react from the root of fear.
What do I fear? Perhaps they will not choose the narrow road. What if they would not live healthy lives – choosing things or lifestyles that are unhealthy? What if they end up doing drugs? Or get caught up in pornography? What if they choose friends or a spouse who will not love them or love God. I have many fears about the outcome.
In the beginning of the week, the author used the illustration of a mother perhaps acting like a “regent” to a king. Someone working to surround him with Godly role models throughout his reign to help him make good decisions, be a good influence to help him live up to the potential and carry out God’s plan for the boy and the nation. We ended the week with Rebekah, a mother who manipulated and made her plans and timing supersede God’s.
There is a thin line between a regent and a manipulative, helicopter mom.
Our plans and God’s plan.
Courage vs. Fear
One way to teach our boys courage is to parent courageously. Knowing there are lessons with skinned knees and brokenness.
Father, help us raise these boys to men according to the plans you have for them, not our plans. Give us courage to let them live adventurous lives, learning how to trust you when they encounter difficulty and danger. May they learn throughout life how much bigger you are than them and may they learn to seek you with all their heart, soul, mind and strength so that at the end of their lives, they would be known as men who did what was right in the eyes of the LORD.
1. What, if anything, do you fear in parenting?
2. How do you encourage penitence, humility and courage?
3. What were you challenged in your parenting this week?
4. How were you encouraged in your parenting this week?
Feel the freedom to answer, one or all of the questions in the comment field. Be sure to check the “follow-up box.”