This is week 4 of our study, 5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Son. Here is where we converse about the daily study. Contribute to the conversation by leaving your thoughts in the comment field. Answer one question or answer all… feel free. Make sure you check the box for “Notify me of follow-up comments via email” so the conversation isn’t just one-way and you can also respond to comments. If you have insight into parenting boys but aren’t necessarily doing the study with us, you are also free to join the conversation!
When I picked up the boys from school on Valentine’s Day, they were anxious to tell me all about the day’s events, particularly who asked who to “be their Valentine.” In 5th grade, the kids seem more open to the possibilities of romance and begin teasing and sharing who they have crushes on. Apparently some kids will even bring a special gift for a special someone to demonstrate their heart leaning towards that said someone – for about 5 minutes.
My son shared that he was thinking about asking someone to be his Valentine, but wasn’t sure if he was allowed to. Here is how I handled the conversation:
“You could ask someone to be your Valentine, if you want.”
“Really?”
“Sure, but you want to be honoring to her and her family, so you’d first have to speak with her dad about it and get permission. After all, she is his treasure and you don’t want to upset any dad in regards to his treasure.”
“What?!?!”
“For example, if you wanted to ask {Cute 5th Grade Girl} to be your Valentine, you’ll need to call up her dad and see if you could come over and talk with him. Wear something nice, I’ll drive you over and you can ask him permission to give his daughter a gift and ask her to be your Valentine for the day.”
“I’m not doing that! I’m too young for that.”
“Okay. It’s up to you. Just be prepared that when the day comes that you may want to treat someone special, she’s already special to her Daddy so you’ll need to have these conversations.”
It was pretty fun and thankfully I knew my son would be completely mortified but it was a good opportunity to lay some ground work about how we’re going to do this girl/boy thing differently.
Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up into salvation if – indeed you have tasted that the Lord is good.” ~ I Peter 2:2-3
I really liked how the author pointed us to this verse because it speaks to the process of maturity and growing up into who God intended them to be. There was an article in a well-known magazine a few years ago expressing how in our western culture we’ve added adolescence and the teen years into our social life spans. The article asserted that either you are a child or an adult and in our cultures we have created this in between that has often trapped people and left them in an abyss.
We see the struggle in many twenty somethings and sadly even those in their thirties who have never fully understood what it means to be a man or a woman, in the adult sense of the word. I speak to many young women who somehow believe that you don’t really become a woman until you’re married. And in our church, hundreds of men go through “Men’s Fraternity,” a study on manhood that calls men up to take their responsibility as providers, protectors and leaders at work, at home and in their spheres of influence. Notice I didn’t say, “take their place.” I don’t care how liberal or independent you are as a woman, somewhere inside of her, every woman wants a strong man by her side. If you think you don’t, then ask yourself if you’ve ever used the phrase “Man up!” in talking to or about someone you love… but that’s another blog post.
In raising our boys, this week’s study spoke to the necessity of preparing to launch our boys into manhood and the process begins at the beginning of their tender lives. I came away from this week wondering how well we are doing this with our four boys, particularly in two areas:
1. Their faith.
2. Their Work Ethic
Since my husband and I are in ministry, our kids go to church a lot, are surrounded by believers. Because we love Him, frequently talk to and about Jesus in our home. In thinking of launching manhood, I want to address their faith first because the heart is the wellspring of life.
We serve together when given the opportunity, we give together. The tension I’m wrestling with today is that by no means do we lead our family in regular devotion time. Nor do we insist they have their own devotion time daily. Our discipleship of the boys is based on conversation and {we hope} our example of loving Jesus. We turn to the scriptures when we are inquiring of the Lord but I’m really careful not to beat them down with it. It’s a tension for us being in ministry because we want the boys to love Jesus, His Church and His mission… not become inoculated to it because of their surroundings.
Ultimately, they will need to birth and grow their own faith.
Regarding work ethic, we have a system set up for chores and through their chores they earn money for their allowance. We have a big family, so we often talk about the necessity for each of us to do our part. Of course we love the bless our kids when we can, but honestly with the growing appetite for “stuff” we have found early on that we need to have these conversations with them.
So, I was challenged… are we instilling a healthy view of providing? Are we setting the table for them to come to their Savior?
What do you think of when it comes to launching manhood?
Are their practices you have established in your family towards these goals?
Where are you challenged in raising your sons to become men?
